A Poem from my Future Self written to my Past Self re-read by my Current Self

I wrote this poem about a year or two ago. It is written by my future self, the one who is old and gray(er). I just pondered what my older self would tell my younger self if she could. I find this poem every once in a while. Tucked in a book or under my bed. I find it when I least expect it and most need it. A page or so may be missing or found each time but it strikes a cord either way.

Maybe there are people out there who will read it and think, wow, glad I don't have that problem. Maybe there are people out there that don't have my same struggles. Good for you. I am legitimately happy for you. If there is anyone who have a similar struggle maybe you will happen upon these words some day and feel the same resolve or encouragement I always seem to find when I read the words again. Really, I write this not for anyone else but my future self who might just read it on the web someday when I am most needing it. (That and I just don't have much confidence in ever finding it again and I want to remember this!)

My kids are grown and I'm all alone.
Now I look back on what I built my home.
Things I chose to speak about;
Paper cuttings and clothes strewn all about.
The endless nagging that I did
That never seemed to do any good.
Did I make their character stronger
The longer I went on and on?
Did they grow up better
Because I spoke so sternly
About what didn't really matter?
As I sit here with my lone coffee cup.
I think about what I would say now
If I could do it all over again.
Instead of being bothered by the paper,
Would I sit and draw and glue and staple?
Would I be thankful for the clothes on the floor,
Because it means there is life behind the bedroom door?
Would I speak with a gentle tongue,
Like we have been instructed by the One?
What words would build my home?
Soft as hay,
Not hard as stone?
Children are resilient,
They made it just fine.
But now that I am older,
Do I regret those times?
Where I made a big deal because of stress rather than need?
What words would I tell my younger self to heed?


I want to say I wrote more to this poem. Another page that is missing under the couch or in an old pants pocket. Maybe, as I am still on this journey, that page is yet to be written. Maybe I will find it some day that I least expect. Hidden in a drawer or the recesses of my mind. Regardless, the challenge implicit in these words, to me anyway, is you only get one chance. Live the life you want to live now. There is no time for regret later. Go to the Living Water and drink deep and love much. What else is really more important?

Happy Birthday Mercedes!

Our Little Miracle (as Papa B. calls her) has turned one! July 6th we celebrated with our family and my sister and her boys and some friends that were living with us for a while. Super thankful for this blessing from God.

 

Cluster Blogging

Consider this post to be the one where I update the blog-o-sphere the happenings around our home. It is likely to be lengthy and super boring. And maybe never even completed, but as most of the events comes before the next post on the calendar, I want to give it a place holder.

For instance, Peyton's First Communion and the birth of my niece Marie, to name a few!

Homeschool Tumbling 2014

What another (crazy) fun year at tumbling. The kids had a blast once again. And I suppose at this point we will be life long participants. No way I want to earn Worst Mom of the Decade for ever taking them out.

This years theme was Beach. (I had to really think hard about that as the tumbling performance was early May and I am posting this late July.)

 

Veronica and Peyton were Kites:

 

Felicity was a Lobster:

A little Before and After Hair:

 

The rest of the family so as not to be left out!

 

And the Lego creation they were working on between the two performances because it is just cool!

 

Good thing I didn't promise to blog

Where has the time gone?!!  I suppose this is why it is fitting I got on here today. I have something on my heart and could think of no where else to share it but on the blog. For myself really but if it speaks to anyone else I don't mind sharing.

That will be another post. In the meantime I suppose I should probably post a few place holders for the sake of seeming chronological. Here goes Five blog posts in the span of an hour, ready and ... go!

More Pictures

More pictures we took to remember our Cranio Synostosis story.

"If you think this looks bad, you should see the other guy!"

 

The other guy:

We were told early Sunday morning that we would be spending another night in the PICU. Then Dr. M. came and told us that she just looked too good to stay. So as soon as we get that Art-line out we were ready to go.

Let's put it this way, she was NOT a fan of having that thing out... neither was her mom. I took a few pics, without really looking and then deferred to dad and nurse.

It took a little while for us to get transferred. Which was A-OK with us. We were able to watch almost all of the Bills game.  

The swelling really started to subside in her face on Sunday. By the end of the day her black eye nearly was gone.

 

About to say good-bye PICU...

 

On the move.

Snuggled in, enjoying the change of scenery. Or something like that.

Almost done!

Settled in:

While the nurse was getting us oriented a surprise was delivered.

 Tim asked who they were from and I said I would check after the nurse left. Good thing I did. They were from him, and just about the sweetest thing he could have ever done.

 

We were just about to go to dinner and then we had some surprise visitors! 

Aunt Rosi and Uncle Ray came for a visit. Bearing gifts of roses and pumpkin bars.

What a great first night on the Peds floor!

We were told we had to stay on the monitors for the majority of the time.

But when we were unplugged, we enjoyed every second! 

After dinner we came back and we got to go for a little walk. So awesome.

 

Still just so- Happy!

This was Sunday night, notice how great her eyes look!

BABY JAIL!! Her first crib!

She didn't hold back her smiles. This was her smiling at Veronica our nurses aid.

She was probably my favorite. Mercedes' favorite too!

 

Monday afternoon we found out that we could leave on Tuesday.

Next thing to get done- X-Rays.

The grey strip in the back is where the doctor cut.

The grey in the front is her suture that never closed. 

The greyed out lines is where the doctor cut slits to allow for rapid reshaping by the brain.

If you look close towards the back you can see where he separated the back suture.

 

 

Here is Mercedes in her "Daddy Rocks" shirt. 

There is a "34" on the bottom, we made these to celebrate Tim's 34th year.

And what a year it's been!

More Visitors! We had a couple of friends come earlier in the day. My dad's first cousin Pam and her two daughters were in Iowa City for a check up and they stopped by. We visited for about an hour and it was wonderful!

Then later in the afternoon a friend from college came by with her son. This was also a very nice visit. It was really nice to hold a happy baby who didn't have any cords hanging from him!

Then on Monday evening my brother, sister-in-law and their two kids came to visit.

We got to leave the hospital for the second time! We went to eat at Poncheros. It was nice, but I was ready to get back to my baby! Unfortunately Paul wasn't able to come in. So the boys hung out in the lounge.

The next day was a pretty busy one. It was discharge day. The next picture isn't for the faint of heart. It is a picture of what it looked like under all those bandages.

Next came the ugly helmet.

But she lights it up with those eyes for sure!

Walking out the door!

Pictures from home:

In an effort to decorate the helmet we bought plenty of stickers and people have got to "put their mark" on Mercedes!